It's a BOY!

It's a boy!  That's what they told us as we sat in the ultrasound room over 6 years ago.  I will never forget that day.  I am almost ashamed of my initial thoughts....thoughts of fear.  I had never been around little boys before!  Our family was full of girls -- how would I know what to do with a boy?!?  But on March 28, 2005, my fears turned in to joy.  This precious little bundle wasn't all that different from Caylie....was he? 

The first couple of months proved me right.  He was such an easy baby....we got him on a schedule very quickly, and before we knew it, he was sleeping through the night.  He ate like a champ, and was known in the church nursery as the "cuddle bug".  He had a contagious smile and laugh, and could light up even the grouchiest person's face. 

But once he started moving, we started noticing some big differences between him and Caylie.  Well, maybe one word would describe all the differences at once:  active.  He was always on the go.  Books were pulled off bookshelves in a matter of 30 seconds.  Carseat straps couldn't hold him down.  Highchairs were his enemy.  And strollers....well, let's not even go there. 

The difference between girls and boys was made very apparent to me when Garrett was about 2 years old.  We heard a cat outside our kitchen door.  Caylie, age 5, went to the door, opened it, and said in her sweetest voice, "Here, kitty-kitty-kitty!  Here, kitty!  Aww, Mommy, isn't she cute?"  Garrett came over to the door, saw the cat, and with his loudest and deepest voice, let out a "ROOOOAAARRRRR!"  The cat went running as fast as she could, and Caylie fell into a pile of sobs.

Boys and girls are different.  Men and women are different.  And God made us that way.  Aren't you glad?  We balance each other.  If you are married, you have certainly seen this put into practice. If someone called and told us we won a trip to Disney World, I would jump up and down!  Darin, would smile, and simply say, "That's awesome."  If we all acted the same, wouldn't life be boring?  In the same way, if we all did the same things, wouldn't life get mundane?

You see, God had an image in mind when He created male and female.  He created us with roles in mind.  Does He love us all the same?  Absolutely!  Did His Son die on the cross for all of us?  Absolutely!  Do we have different roles within our families and within the church?  Absolutely.

There have been countless books written about the subject.  Some are right on target with what the Bible says, others...well, not so much.  But the point here is this:  Men and women are different.  Boys and girls are different.  God created us to be different.  God created us to fulfill different functions in the family and in the church.

Boys are active.  But I'm going to say something that may shock some of you:  we need to encourage that!  God made men to be leaders.  Leaders in our churches.  Leaders in our homes.  And I believe that when they are being active, they are beginning to explore that natural inclination to lead.  This can certainly be a challenge to parents and teachers.  There are days that I am ready to pull my hair out!  There are days that I wonder why in the world my little boy won't sit still long enough to color a picture.   There are days that I wonder if I will ever have a moment of quiet, peaceful rest. 

But for now, for my 6 year old, my job is to help him to figure out his role as a boy....and as a future man of God.  Right now, he is active.  He likes bugs.  He likes to play in the dirt.  He likes to be loud.  And he likes to pick on his older sister.  The things that he says never cease to amaze us.  If you have spent any time with us, or are friends with me on Facebook, there is no doubt that you are used to hearing "Garrett-isms". But in the years to come, he will be growing and maturing.  I am thankful that my son has an awesome example to look at -- his daddy.  He sees every day what it looks like for a man to be a spiritual head of the family.  He watches his daddy worship.  He hears his daddy pray.  He sees his daddy serve others. 

And so our prayer for our little 6 year old is that he becomes a Christ-follower, and that by doing that, he realizes his role as a Christian man.  He's got a long way to go, but then again, don't we all?

A Lifetime Filled With Grace

Tomorrow, we will have another baby added to our extended family.  Darin’s brother, Zach, and his wife, Jessica, will be having their second son.  With a new baby comes the incredibly difficult task of choosing a name.  And oh, how many opinions parents must listen to!  I remember choosing names for our children.  We would pick a name that we thought was just perfect, only to hear from countless people why we should NOT pick that name.  It was so frustrating!  We finally came to the decision, as most parents do, that you can’t please everyone. 

Of our three children, one name is sticking out to me today.  It isn’t the first name….it’s a middle name.  You see, both of our girls have beautiful names…Caylie Grace and Chloe Beth.  But I must admit something.  Unlike our son, who is named after his grandfathers, they aren’t named after anyone.  There really isn’t any significance to their first names at all.  But Caylie’s middle name is a word that has great meaning to us. Grace.  Just saying the word is like breathing in fresh air.  We've all heard it.  We've all said it.  We've all wanted it.  We've all even given it.  But, as I sit and ponder over the meaning of Caylie's middle name, I wonder how often I have grace on my children.  On my husband.  On my friends.  On my church family.  On the driver that pulled out in front of me.  On the cashier that just takes a little too long.  On the person that I said, "I forgive you" to, but yet I still hold a grudge. 

You see, I think the word "grace" has almost become such a common word, that we use it without really grasping the meaning of it.  If you look it up in the dictionary, there are several meanings.  Of course, some have to do with beauty and elegance.  Others have to do with mercy.  My favorites are:
           1.  a manifestation of favor, especially by a superior
           2.  mercy, clemency, pardon
           3.  the freely given, unmerited favor of God

God pours out His grace on us (Eph 1:7-8).  And that's an awesome thing.  I pray that we never stop marveling at that.  But let's not stop there.  That grace--that wonderful blessing--needs to be carried further.  It can't just be received by us and then stay there.  We have to turn around and bless others with it.  We have been "pardoned" of so much. 

We are so full of excuses.  "I just can't forgive them!"  "They don't deserve forgiveness."  "They didn't ask for forgiveness."  Yep.  I've used them all.  But unfortunately, none of them hold any water.  Remember what Webster's said about "grace"?  It is unmerited....it is freely given.

When that friend talked about me?  I was commanded to forgive her and show her grace.  When that stranger gave me a mean look in the grocery store because the baby was screaming?  I was commanded to forgive him and show him grace.  When that person mistreated my husband or my kids?  I was commanded to forgive them and show them grace.  When one of the kids spilled milk at the table?  I was commanded to forgive them and show them grace.

And sometimes I'm not all that excited about that!  Sometimes I want to hold a grudge a little bit longer, because it makes me feel justified.  Maybe I haven't had time to tell enough people about the wrong that was done against me. Or maybe I'm just not ready to forgive.  Really, that's not hurting anyone more than it's hurting me. 

But God, in all His glory, doesn't wait for any of that "stuff".  He freely bestows grace on us.  And that is our example.  Ephesians 4:32 says, "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has forgiven you."  Instead of holding grudges, we should be running down the streets yelling, "I've been forgiven!  I forgive YOU!" 

So to us Grace isn't just a pretty name that flows well.  It isn't just a name that people didn't complain about.  It is a name that brings hope -- the hope of a lifetime filled with grace.

Not in This Alone

Today is Caylie's birthday.  Her ninth birthday, I might add.  Nine years.  Nine years of smiles, giggles, and joy.  Nine years of trials, questions, and worries.  March 19th, 2002, God made it abundantly clear to me that Darin and I could not make it through life on our own. When Caylie was born, she weighed in at a whopping 3 lbs. 14 oz.  The doctors could give no explanations.  She was just 4 weeks early, so she was diagnosed with intrauterine growth restriction....which basically means she was very small, and we don't know why.  For some reason, all of the nutrients that she needed weren't getting to her in the womb.  She looked very much like a premie.  But, other than her size, praise God, she was perfectly healthy.  After 4 days in the NICU, they sent her home, still weighing less than 4 lbs.  The only issue was some jaundice, so she was attached to a bili-blanket for the first week.  Not too bad! 

But, the biggest miracle became apparent to us when we drove in to the driveway.  You see, Darin and I had lived far from our families all of our married lives.  And now that we were having a baby, we were a bit, shall we say, terrified?  This was something new and different.  We had our parents there for the first couple of weeks, but when they went home, we knew we would need support.  Not necessarily support in the way of babysitters (although that would be needed, too), but support in the way of prayer and encouragement. So, as we pull in to the driveway of the parsonage, we see a huge banner that says, "Welcome Home Caylie!  We Love You!"  It was made by some ladies in our church in Kinston, NC.  And that was the first time I realized: we are not in this alone. 

Over the years, God has proved faithful.  He has taken us on a journey that led us from being first-time parents who were terrified to bring home a newborn to a family of five.  We have been encouraged, supported, loved, and prayed for in countless ways.  Our churches have become our "family" since our family is so far away.  Please don't get me wrong...we get awesome support from our parents, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, etc.  But our churches have provided a different kind of support.  Lifelong friendships have been formed.  But the word "friendship" almost seems too weak.  There is a bond that is formed by people who worship together on a regular basis.  And who earnestly pray together.  And who pray for one another.  And who serve others together.  And who just share life together -- especially when they help you raise your children! 

So, back to the birthday girl.  She is spunky.  She is contemplative.  She is generous.  She is loving.  She is punctual.  (Ask her daddy about that one!)  She is growing everyday in her knowledge of her Lord.  And she is a product of churches that rallied behind her parents.  She is the result of what happens when people say, "No, they're not related to us, but let's love them anyway!  Let's pray for them, and let's demonstrate what it means to truly be a church family."

If you see Caylie this weekend, wish her a happy birthday!  She will probably smile and act bashful.  But, I promise, it will mean the world to me.  Thank you for loving our children.  

A Hidden Treasure

Today I took the kids to a yard sale.  I am not a huge yard sale person, although I do enjoy the occassional Saturday morning outing.  I normally do not take the kids, for the simple reason that they beg me for things that I know will end up in the garbage can within 2 weeks.  But, this morning a Life Group in our church was hosting a yard sale to help raise funds for a lady to go on a mission trip to Costa Rica.  (A trip, I might add, that Darin will be going on.)  Darin was gone for the morning, so I loaded up the three kids, and we headed out.

We found our normal treasures...a few books, stuffed animals, a couple of kids' clothing items, and an antique typewriter.  WHAT?!?  Did I just type that?  Yes.  Yes, I did.  Under a table, Garrett found a very, very old typewriter.  And he loved it.  And all I could think of was John-Boy Walton.  So, it ended up at the Allen house.  After all, it was money for Jesus, right?   

So, fast forward about an hour.  The kids have now taken blankets out on the front lawn.  They made a picnic snack, and took out their newest treasure.  And they were taking turns typing away.  Darin happens to see a car pull up, and starts listening.  A "lovely" neighbor proceeds to yell at Garrett, asking him if there is any reason he "threw" that piece of paper in her yard, and would he like to go back and pick that piece of paper up.  Darin goes out, apologizes to the lady, and explains to her what happened.  So, here's the story:

Garrett decided to make a newspaper.  He began typing, and "delivering" the newspapers to the neighbors.  He placed one piece of paper in each neighbor's yard.  And apparently, the neighbor didn't like it.  Yes, it was littering.  Yes, it would cause her to go out and pick it up.  But good grief!  Nothing like yelling at a 5-year old who didn't know he was doing anything wrong.  If you ask me, I think it was quite creative! 

But, I know there must be a lesson in this.  I know, somewhere, hidden in the frustration that came with this neighbor's ill-tempered reaction to Garrett, I can find a life lesson.  If I just look hard enough. 

And then it hits me.  Her reaction to Garrett is exactly how I react to Garrett.  And Caylie. And Chloe Beth.  Almost every day.  Garrett comes running in with excitement to show me his latest "creation", and I get frustrated that he's made a mess in the living room.  Caylie proudly reads me her latest story, and I get annoyed because I'm running late and need to get out the door.  Chloe Beth claps her hands and smiles at me as I rush through the kitchen, just hoping to get a smile from me, and I don't even see her.  All the neighbor would have needed to do is walk across her yard and pick up the piece of paper.  All I need to do is give my kids the encouragement and time they so need and desire.

Notice this is not so they can learn to be prideful and self-righteous.  But so they can know that they are cherished and loved! Really, our kids don't need us to be their cheerleaders.  They need us to show them that we have time to give them, and we are willing to make sacrifices for them.  Sacrifices of time.  Sacrifices of cleaning up an extra mess in the living room, being a few minutes late, stopping in the midst of our day to just return a smile.  Even the sacrifice of walking across the yard to pick up a paper that a child took the time to type out and carefully place there just for us. 

Paul did this for Timothy.  He encouraged him.  He took the time for him.  He trained him and helped him.  And he loved him.  In fact, he called him, "my beloved and faithful child in the Lord." (1 Cor. 4:17) Paul was certainly Timothy's mentor in the faith.  We all need a mentor.  We all need someone who we can look up to and who will encourage us in our walk with the Lord.  And who will love us!  And for the short time that our children are in our home, we are those people.  Darin and I are the ones who need to encourage them.  Darin and I are the ones who need to take time for them.  Darin and I are the ones who should train them and help them.  So that we may call them "our beloved and faithful children in the Lord."