The school year has started. Two weeks ago, I sent Caylie and Garrett off for their first day of school as a fourth grader and a first grader. And I stood in wonder as I watched them walk into their classrooms. Where in the world has the time gone? Wasn't it just yesterday that I found out I was expecting them? I walked back to our apartment, (which is right across the parking lot from their new school), and sat looking at Chloe Beth for a few minutes, wondering what I would do when she started school.
I'll never forget Caylie's first day of Kindergarten. I walked her down the infinitely long hall. Garrett, two at the time, was with us. We walked into the classroom, found her desk, and greeted the teacher. I made sure she was settled, and then started out the door. Feeling the tears starting, and knowing full-well that I didn't want her to see me cry, I hurried to the door. I scooped Garrett up, and started the long walk back to the car. And the tears started. But, folks, they weren't just tears. I was doing the kind of crying that makes your face all deformed. And I could barely see where I was going. Ok, I was almost sobbing. How would she open her Capri Sun? Would she know where the bathroom was? To put it in terms my Southerners will understand, I was a mess. As we continued our walk, sweet Garrett patted me on the back, and in his little two-year old voice said, "It okay, Momma. Sissy be right back."
The day continued. And continued. And continued. I really think it was one of the longest days in the history of the world. But, when I went back to pick her up, she was smiling and happy. She had a great day, and couldn't wait to go back!
Fast forward three years, and it was Garrett's turn. I really thought I would be better off with him. You know, I was, shall we say, experienced. But, I cried the whole way home. I cried most of the morning. But, at the end of the day, just like Caylie, he loved it.
There are so many emotions that parenting brings with it, and the struggle to let go as our kids grow up is certainly one of them. Even though our oldest is only 9, I can already feel it starting. But there is an important lesson that I believe we need to grasp hold of while our kids are young, to make is easier on them, and ourselves, as they get older. And that lesson is this: Our most important job, as parents, is to help our children become disciples of Christ. Period.
Right about now, a lot of you are saying, "Well, duh, Amy. We already know that." And to that, I say, "Great!" But, sometimes I need to be reminded about what that entails. Or maybe it's better to say what that does not entail. That does not always entail them becoming a musician or a football player or whatever dream you have for them just because you want them to. That does not always entail your children living within a 2-mile radius of you forever. That does not always entail them becoming a doctor or a lawyer. That does not entail them always getting straight A's. (I can almost hear some of you gasping!) That does not always even entail them going to college. (And now some of you may even just stop reading....)
But friends, if we're honest, we know this. Being a disciple of Christ means we're completely and positively sold out for Christ. We're following Him with EVERY aspect of our lives. And that means we're letting Him lead us. So, if we're training our children to be disiples of Christ, then we must look at their lives differently than the world does. The world tells our kids over and over again of the things that they "need". We know that there is only One thing that they need.
So, as Christian parents, how should we pray? First, I am going to pray that my children will all come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ as not only their Savior, but as their Lord. I want them to run after Him with everything they've got. And I want them to live for Him alone. I don't want them to be "people pleasers", but to focus on the one Person that matters. Second, I am going to start praying for God to remove my desires for my children and replace them with His desires. Thirdly, I am going to pray that God will use them. What an honor for us as parents to know that God could use our tiny little vessels that we have worked on and poured our lives into for years and years! And God can use them in any career that He chooses from teaching to factory work to missionary work to yard work. He can even take it further and use them in the local church, on mission trips, and in local evangelism and outreach.
Parenting is hard. Seeing your kids grow up is even harder. It seems like the time goes by so fast. But, as I keep reminding myself, that's what is supposed to happen. Our kids are given to us as babies. And our job is to help them grow. And teach them God's ways. And then they grow up. Yes, we're always their parents. But, the older they get, the more our roles change. (At least, in some areas, I hope. I don't want to have to be reminding Garrett to wash his hands when he's 35!) Growing pains hurt. But good comes from them.
"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Lessons from a Cartoon
It was a Saturday, and that means my kids were watching kids’ shows. I had been working around the house, and decided to sit down and take a break. And I started paying attention to the show they were watching. It was an animated story about Jonah. I have studied the book of Jonah in detail with my Ladies' Bible Study group, but still something about this animated version spoke to my heart. And then, on Sunday morning, our pastor continued his sermon series on the book of Jonah, and it just so happened that he was preaching on the exact part of the book that I watched on the cartoon. I had started the blog on Saturday night and then changed my mind about writing it, but after hearing the sermon, I realized that God really did have a lesson for me...and maybe for some of you.
Just a quick synopsis: God wanted Jonah to go to Ninevah to tell the people to repent. Jonah said no. God said yes. So, Jonah ended up in the belly of a big fish. Then Jonah had another chance. This time he said ok. So he went to Ninevah. But his attitude was still pretty stinky. He didn’t think that it was very fair for God to forgive the people of Ninevah after all they had done to the Israelites. Jonah couldn’t believe that if they repented they could be forgiven. Basically, Jonah still had such a hardened heart toward the people of Ninevah, that he didn’t want them to taste the goodness of the Lord. He didn’t want them to have the same opportunity that he did for forgiveness and eternal life.
And we look back at the story of Jonah and we just shake our heads, ashamed that Jonah would feel this way, don’t we? We think, “Wow! Can you believe he wouldn’t want those people to be right with God?” What was Jonah’s issue? Was it hatred? Was it bitterness? What could make someone cry out, “It is better for me to die!” He looked at the people of Ninevah and told God that he would rather die than see God forgive them. Wow. That's a pretty bold statement, isn't it? I believe that it was hatred and bitterness, but I believe that all of these ill-feelings toward the Ninevites stemmed from one key problem: Jonah was self-righteous. He thought that he, and the rest of the Israelites, were better than any of the people from Ninevah. According to Jonah, the Israelites were well-deserving of the forgiveness and love that God had bestowed upon them. He seemed to forget about the years and years of disobedience in the nation of Israel. He also seemed to forget about the short time he spent in the belly of the fish.
Self-righteousness can rear its ugly head all over the place. And it’s not always something as “drastic” as what Jonah did. We don’t have to be angry that an entire people have been given the news of repentance. Sometimes self-righteousness comes in the form of tattling. My children are good at that! Sometimes self-righteousness comes in the form of complaining about others. We don’t like the way they do things, we don’t like choices they’ve made, or we don’t like them personally, so we think we’re better than them. And sometimes self-righteousness just comes in the form of unforgiveness and bitterness. When we feel like someone has wronged us or someone we love, we often hold that bitterness in our hearts and think that we can’t or shouldn’t forgive them because it will “let them off the hook.”
God’s Word tells us that “There is none righteous, not even one.” (Rom. 3:10). Period. I’m not better than you. You’re not better than me. But for the blood of Christ, we would all be doomed to spend eternity in hell. But, praise God, He made a way. And to be honest with you, there is something freeing in admitting that I’m not better. That I have my own failures. That I have my own faults. And also in knowing that you all do, too. We are on the same level. We don’t have to play games. We don’t have to pretend we’re something we’re not. We can be real and accept one another for who we are…and love one another as we grow to be more like Christ every day. Because you see, accepting that we have faults is not enough. We have a goal…a prize…that we are striving toward. We don’t want to stay the same! We want to be like Christ. In fact, I want to be more like Christ tomorrow than I was today. Don’t you?
So, how can we guard ourselves against being a Jonah? How can we keep ourselves from being self-righteous and pouty, like he was when he sat outside the city gates? First, acknowledge that you have faults. We all do. And that’s ok! Remember, God is the potter and we are the clay. He is molding us into the person He wants us to be. That takes time, and that takes work. And that takes us being malleable. Second, be willing to forgive. When someone wrongs you, whether it’s something small like pulling out in front of you, or something terrible, be willing to forgive. And notice, you can choose to forgive without hearing an apology. I promise…it works. Third, be willing to humble yourself. This may come in the way of serving others, of apologizing, or of just acknowledging that you were wrong in your views.
I don’t believe that self-righteous people think that they are self-righteous. I think Jonah thought he was completely justified. And that’s why we need to be so very careful. It is one of those sins that can sneak up on you. Most of the time, I don’t think we even realize we’re doing it. We're just moving along, passing judgement on others, and then it hits us. And it’s serious. Remember God’s words to Jonah. “Do you have good reason to be angry?” Ouch. Can you imagine hearing those words directly from God? I think I would just want to crawl under a rock! Jonah probably wished something similar....or maybe he just wanted to be back inside that great big belly. Don't be a Jonah. We are never told that his heart changed. I don't want that to be my legacy. Do you?
Friday, May 27, 2011
The Tie-Dyed Bunny
We've all been there. You run in to the grocery store to pick up just a few items for supper. Unfortunately, you have the kids with you. (Those of you with young children know exactly why I use the word "unfortunately.") You have just entered the store and it begins. "It" has been going on for years. Your parents know about "it". Your grandparents know about "it". Since the beginning of time, "it" has happened. "Mommy! Look! I NNNNEEEEDDDDD that!" You turn your head. And you see it...a bright red tie-dyed, bigger-than-life Easter bunny with a 75% off sticker on it. Oh, and it's holding jelly beans that are starting to discolor. The discoloring is occuring because Easter was approximately 7 weeks ago. You reply, "No." And keep moving. And "it" keeps happening. The sugary cereal. The donuts. The books in the giant bin that say "VALUE!" And then you make it to the check-out. Only to have your children be enticed by Kit-Kats, plastic "cell phones", and Funyuns. You are exhausted by the time you make it to the car. And you are ready to pull your hair out. You do, after all, have a rule. "We will NOT buy anything that is not on my list. Do NOT ask for anything." How easily that rule is forgotten.
Grocery shopping is just one of the many activities that we do with our children that teach them about money. It can be a great lesson in budgeting, self-control, and frugality. It can also be a great lesson in God's provision. For those that know me well, you know that I am a money person. I studied finance in college and I have worked in banking, in bookkeeping, and am the "chief accountant" for Allen Family Enterprises. But the Holy Spirit has been convicting me lately. And unfortunately, with today's drive toward "extreme couponing" and the like, I believe we all need to stand on guard.
You see, money is not evil. The Bible tells us in 1 Timothy 6:10 that the LOVE of money is the root of all sorts of evil. I always viewed that verse as one for two groups of people: the "wealthy" and the "wanna-be wealthy." The wealthy, well, they are the ones that could go in a grocery store and buy their kids whatever they asked for. And the wanna-be wealthy, are the ones that don't care who or what they step on to get to the top. Wealth is all they care about. It's not that I didn't think the verse applied to me, I just thought, "Hey, I've got this! I'm a money person. I'm frugal. I certainly don't love money!"
But, within the last couple of weeks, God has shown me something. We can make an idol out of money no matter what our bank statement looks like. If we don't have enough, and we worry constantly about it, we are making an idol out of it. If we have plenty, and we worry that it will go away, we are making an idol out of it. If we are comfortable, but yet we spend too much time or energy on saving money, we are making an idol out of it. And then there are the "money martyrs", as I like to call them. We all know people like this. These are the folks who feel like they have to prove to everyone that they don't have as much money as everyone else, although to look at their homes or their cars, you may be able to argue with them. They have the whole "woe is me" attitude. But often, they are using a disguise. They actually are trying to say, "Holy is me. See me? I don't make money an idol, because I don't have as much as my neighbor down the street." But the unfortunate thing is, they are making an idol out of money just as much as the next person.
Please don't misunderstand me. I love coupons. I love ad-matching. I love clearance racks. And I will never pay full price for a car. God blesses us, and we are to be good stewards of WHATEVER He gives us. And we are to be content with whatever He gives us. (Hebrews 13:5). But, I have learned in the past couple of weeks that sometimes I make money an idol when I actually think that I'm looking for a bargain. When I spend more time couponing than spending time with God. When I drive across town to save $.30 on milk when I wasted more than that on gas. When I make it a point to prove to someone that I didn't pay as much for something as they think I did.
So, back to the kids. I know they think I am mean at times. I know they think I am just withholding glorious riches from them. I am an absolute stickler about not buying them things when they are at the store with me. I go with a purpose, and a list. And I am determined to not go over my budget. I think that with my conviction about not making an idol out of money came another conviction: I need to teach my kids about the same thing. I need to teach them how to budget, and how to pay attention to prices. But most of all, I need to teach them about God's provision. I need to show them the story in the Bible of the 2 fish and 5 loaves. They need to hear about the Israelites and the manna. There may be a time that we don't eat our choice foods. There may be a time that we don't have our favorite clothes. There may be a time that we don't have a home. But, God is still God. And He will still provide. He provides salvation, joy, patience and long-suffering. And He provides grace.
Yes, I know times are tough. I know gas prices are crazy. I know that causes grocery prices to increase, and then everything starts that upward trend. But I also know who is God. And I know what His Word says, "Do not worry, saying "What will we eat?" or "What will we drink?" or "What will we wear for clothing?"...For your Heavenly Father knows that you need all these things." (Matthew 6:31-32) May we always rest in His unchanging goodness, and trust in His unfailing love. Even when we don't get the tie-dyed bunny.
Grocery shopping is just one of the many activities that we do with our children that teach them about money. It can be a great lesson in budgeting, self-control, and frugality. It can also be a great lesson in God's provision. For those that know me well, you know that I am a money person. I studied finance in college and I have worked in banking, in bookkeeping, and am the "chief accountant" for Allen Family Enterprises. But the Holy Spirit has been convicting me lately. And unfortunately, with today's drive toward "extreme couponing" and the like, I believe we all need to stand on guard.
You see, money is not evil. The Bible tells us in 1 Timothy 6:10 that the LOVE of money is the root of all sorts of evil. I always viewed that verse as one for two groups of people: the "wealthy" and the "wanna-be wealthy." The wealthy, well, they are the ones that could go in a grocery store and buy their kids whatever they asked for. And the wanna-be wealthy, are the ones that don't care who or what they step on to get to the top. Wealth is all they care about. It's not that I didn't think the verse applied to me, I just thought, "Hey, I've got this! I'm a money person. I'm frugal. I certainly don't love money!"
But, within the last couple of weeks, God has shown me something. We can make an idol out of money no matter what our bank statement looks like. If we don't have enough, and we worry constantly about it, we are making an idol out of it. If we have plenty, and we worry that it will go away, we are making an idol out of it. If we are comfortable, but yet we spend too much time or energy on saving money, we are making an idol out of it. And then there are the "money martyrs", as I like to call them. We all know people like this. These are the folks who feel like they have to prove to everyone that they don't have as much money as everyone else, although to look at their homes or their cars, you may be able to argue with them. They have the whole "woe is me" attitude. But often, they are using a disguise. They actually are trying to say, "Holy is me. See me? I don't make money an idol, because I don't have as much as my neighbor down the street." But the unfortunate thing is, they are making an idol out of money just as much as the next person.
Please don't misunderstand me. I love coupons. I love ad-matching. I love clearance racks. And I will never pay full price for a car. God blesses us, and we are to be good stewards of WHATEVER He gives us. And we are to be content with whatever He gives us. (Hebrews 13:5). But, I have learned in the past couple of weeks that sometimes I make money an idol when I actually think that I'm looking for a bargain. When I spend more time couponing than spending time with God. When I drive across town to save $.30 on milk when I wasted more than that on gas. When I make it a point to prove to someone that I didn't pay as much for something as they think I did.
So, back to the kids. I know they think I am mean at times. I know they think I am just withholding glorious riches from them. I am an absolute stickler about not buying them things when they are at the store with me. I go with a purpose, and a list. And I am determined to not go over my budget. I think that with my conviction about not making an idol out of money came another conviction: I need to teach my kids about the same thing. I need to teach them how to budget, and how to pay attention to prices. But most of all, I need to teach them about God's provision. I need to show them the story in the Bible of the 2 fish and 5 loaves. They need to hear about the Israelites and the manna. There may be a time that we don't eat our choice foods. There may be a time that we don't have our favorite clothes. There may be a time that we don't have a home. But, God is still God. And He will still provide. He provides salvation, joy, patience and long-suffering. And He provides grace.
Yes, I know times are tough. I know gas prices are crazy. I know that causes grocery prices to increase, and then everything starts that upward trend. But I also know who is God. And I know what His Word says, "Do not worry, saying "What will we eat?" or "What will we drink?" or "What will we wear for clothing?"...For your Heavenly Father knows that you need all these things." (Matthew 6:31-32) May we always rest in His unchanging goodness, and trust in His unfailing love. Even when we don't get the tie-dyed bunny.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Why Are We Surprised?
Our youngest child has recently started throwing tantrums. She doesn't kick and hit the ground, but she definitely lets us know she doesn't like what we have done. She will lay her body down, face down, and cry. She will refuse to do anything else. Sometimes you may even hear a "No, no, no, no" mixed in there. At the young age of 18 months, Chloe Beth is already showing us that she believes that if things don't go her way, then things just shouldn't "go" at all.
I have had the privelege of serving in the nursery at our church the past several weeks. While there, I have the opportunity to observe Chloe Beth, and a bunch of other young children, interacting with each other. And there is one phrase I can use to describe them: self-serving. They believe, with all of their hearts, that the world revolves around them. When it is time to eat, you had better give them food. When it's time for their milk, look out! And when another baby has a toy that they want...well, you'd better be ready to act as a referee. But that's what we expect from babies, right?
So, I walk down the hall to the rooms with the older children. As I enter the room with the three and four-year olds, I see one child sulking at a table. She is upset because a friend doesn't want to play with her. When I dig a little deeper, I find out that her friend doesn't want to play because the "sulker" was hitting and pushing her. I see about 4 boys playing with blocks. And then suddenly a fifth child comes out of nowhere and knocks down the village they have built. And then the nursery worker comes up to me and tells me I need to talk to one boy because he is not listening to her, and she thinks maybe he'll listen to me. So, as the children get older, we start to have higher expectations for them, right?
How many times have you used the line, "What in the world were you thinking?" Or how about, "Why would you do that?" When our children do something completely out of line, we often act shocked. We think, "That child knows better. Why would she think she could do that and get away with it?" I don't think it's because we think our children are perfect, but we just see things from such a different perspective than they do. We can see the potential dangers of jumping off of the trampoline head first. We can see what may happen if they try to have a sword fight using sticks from the backyard. We know what can happen when you talk about your friend behind their back, or you tell a little white lie. We know what measures may have to be taken if you take that pencil that doesn't belong to you.
But yet, over and over again in the news, you see adults...people who have lived for many more years than our children have...making the same mistakes our children do. And we use the same lines. "What in the world were they thinking?" Just turn the news on. Or just go to Walmart. It is scary. But one day I was complaining to my husband about something I had seen and heard, and he said, "Why are we surprised when sinners sin?" Good question, huh?
Why are we surprised? Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is more deceitful than all else, and is deceitfully sick, who can understand it?" We are born sinners. That is made very clear when we are children. No one has to teach us to sin. No one has to teach us to be selfish, or how to disobey our parents. We seem to know how to do that automatically. When we're really young, it's almost kind of cute. But when we're about 3, it's not that cute anymore. And when we're 23, it's definitely not cute. At all.
But, what can we do about it? For sure, until Christ returns, there will always be sin in the world. But how we respond to it is something that can change. First, with our children, I believe we are to discipline. Our jobs are to teach them how to live to be more like Christ. There are so many books and experts out there to help us. The best book, is of course, the Bible. Another book that I am about to dig back out is Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp. Every year seems to bring new struggles in the Allen household. Just as we get over one hump in the area of discipline, we approach another. It is an on-going process. And as a good friend often says, I believe it is for our sanctification, just as much as it is for our children's.
Second, how we respond to the world can change. I don't know about you, but I can be quite judgemental. When I see someone doing something I don't agree with, I am quick to spout off just why they are wrong. Darin's statement several years ago humbled me. "Why are we surprised when sinners sin?" I am a sinner. I am lumped in there with them. God has grace on me. Every day. What if, instead of judging them, I prayed for them? What if, instead of criticizing their actions, I prayed that their hearts would be changed? What if, instead of grumbling about them behind their backs, I shared the gospel with them? What if I showed them Jesus?
You see, we are not any better than the people we see on the news that committed murder last night. We're not any better than the people in Congress that struggled with coming up with a budget over the last week. We're not any better than the teenager that got escorted out of Walmart for shoplifting. And we're not any better than the 4-year old that hit his friend because he had the toy he wanted.
"Why are we surprised when sinners sin?" We are born with a sin nature. But if you are in Christ, you are a new creation. (2 Cor. 5:17) And by the blood of Christ, you have been forgiven. And others can be, too. But not if they don't know. And they certainly won't find out if I just stand around and pass judgement and grumble. They certainly won't find out if I just shake my head and wonder how this world got into the mess it's in. I've got some really good news. No -- that's a pretty weak way to say it. I've got the most URGENT message that they will ever hear. Who in the world do I think I am to sit around and complain about their actions instead of praying for them and loving them? It should break my heart for their souls, not infuriate me that they spoke a bad word in front of my children.
I will no longer be surprised that sinners sin. Instead, I will be broken by it.
I have had the privelege of serving in the nursery at our church the past several weeks. While there, I have the opportunity to observe Chloe Beth, and a bunch of other young children, interacting with each other. And there is one phrase I can use to describe them: self-serving. They believe, with all of their hearts, that the world revolves around them. When it is time to eat, you had better give them food. When it's time for their milk, look out! And when another baby has a toy that they want...well, you'd better be ready to act as a referee. But that's what we expect from babies, right?
So, I walk down the hall to the rooms with the older children. As I enter the room with the three and four-year olds, I see one child sulking at a table. She is upset because a friend doesn't want to play with her. When I dig a little deeper, I find out that her friend doesn't want to play because the "sulker" was hitting and pushing her. I see about 4 boys playing with blocks. And then suddenly a fifth child comes out of nowhere and knocks down the village they have built. And then the nursery worker comes up to me and tells me I need to talk to one boy because he is not listening to her, and she thinks maybe he'll listen to me. So, as the children get older, we start to have higher expectations for them, right?
How many times have you used the line, "What in the world were you thinking?" Or how about, "Why would you do that?" When our children do something completely out of line, we often act shocked. We think, "That child knows better. Why would she think she could do that and get away with it?" I don't think it's because we think our children are perfect, but we just see things from such a different perspective than they do. We can see the potential dangers of jumping off of the trampoline head first. We can see what may happen if they try to have a sword fight using sticks from the backyard. We know what can happen when you talk about your friend behind their back, or you tell a little white lie. We know what measures may have to be taken if you take that pencil that doesn't belong to you.
But yet, over and over again in the news, you see adults...people who have lived for many more years than our children have...making the same mistakes our children do. And we use the same lines. "What in the world were they thinking?" Just turn the news on. Or just go to Walmart. It is scary. But one day I was complaining to my husband about something I had seen and heard, and he said, "Why are we surprised when sinners sin?" Good question, huh?
Why are we surprised? Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is more deceitful than all else, and is deceitfully sick, who can understand it?" We are born sinners. That is made very clear when we are children. No one has to teach us to sin. No one has to teach us to be selfish, or how to disobey our parents. We seem to know how to do that automatically. When we're really young, it's almost kind of cute. But when we're about 3, it's not that cute anymore. And when we're 23, it's definitely not cute. At all.
But, what can we do about it? For sure, until Christ returns, there will always be sin in the world. But how we respond to it is something that can change. First, with our children, I believe we are to discipline. Our jobs are to teach them how to live to be more like Christ. There are so many books and experts out there to help us. The best book, is of course, the Bible. Another book that I am about to dig back out is Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp. Every year seems to bring new struggles in the Allen household. Just as we get over one hump in the area of discipline, we approach another. It is an on-going process. And as a good friend often says, I believe it is for our sanctification, just as much as it is for our children's.
Second, how we respond to the world can change. I don't know about you, but I can be quite judgemental. When I see someone doing something I don't agree with, I am quick to spout off just why they are wrong. Darin's statement several years ago humbled me. "Why are we surprised when sinners sin?" I am a sinner. I am lumped in there with them. God has grace on me. Every day. What if, instead of judging them, I prayed for them? What if, instead of criticizing their actions, I prayed that their hearts would be changed? What if, instead of grumbling about them behind their backs, I shared the gospel with them? What if I showed them Jesus?
You see, we are not any better than the people we see on the news that committed murder last night. We're not any better than the people in Congress that struggled with coming up with a budget over the last week. We're not any better than the teenager that got escorted out of Walmart for shoplifting. And we're not any better than the 4-year old that hit his friend because he had the toy he wanted.
"Why are we surprised when sinners sin?" We are born with a sin nature. But if you are in Christ, you are a new creation. (2 Cor. 5:17) And by the blood of Christ, you have been forgiven. And others can be, too. But not if they don't know. And they certainly won't find out if I just stand around and pass judgement and grumble. They certainly won't find out if I just shake my head and wonder how this world got into the mess it's in. I've got some really good news. No -- that's a pretty weak way to say it. I've got the most URGENT message that they will ever hear. Who in the world do I think I am to sit around and complain about their actions instead of praying for them and loving them? It should break my heart for their souls, not infuriate me that they spoke a bad word in front of my children.
I will no longer be surprised that sinners sin. Instead, I will be broken by it.
Monday, March 28, 2011
It's a BOY!
It's a boy! That's what they told us as we sat in the ultrasound room over 6 years ago. I will never forget that day. I am almost ashamed of my initial thoughts....thoughts of fear. I had never been around little boys before! Our family was full of girls -- how would I know what to do with a boy?!? But on March 28, 2005, my fears turned in to joy. This precious little bundle wasn't all that different from Caylie....was he?
The first couple of months proved me right. He was such an easy baby....we got him on a schedule very quickly, and before we knew it, he was sleeping through the night. He ate like a champ, and was known in the church nursery as the "cuddle bug". He had a contagious smile and laugh, and could light up even the grouchiest person's face.
But once he started moving, we started noticing some big differences between him and Caylie. Well, maybe one word would describe all the differences at once: active. He was always on the go. Books were pulled off bookshelves in a matter of 30 seconds. Carseat straps couldn't hold him down. Highchairs were his enemy. And strollers....well, let's not even go there.
The difference between girls and boys was made very apparent to me when Garrett was about 2 years old. We heard a cat outside our kitchen door. Caylie, age 5, went to the door, opened it, and said in her sweetest voice, "Here, kitty-kitty-kitty! Here, kitty! Aww, Mommy, isn't she cute?" Garrett came over to the door, saw the cat, and with his loudest and deepest voice, let out a "ROOOOAAARRRRR!" The cat went running as fast as she could, and Caylie fell into a pile of sobs.
Boys and girls are different. Men and women are different. And God made us that way. Aren't you glad? We balance each other. If you are married, you have certainly seen this put into practice. If someone called and told us we won a trip to Disney World, I would jump up and down! Darin, would smile, and simply say, "That's awesome." If we all acted the same, wouldn't life be boring? In the same way, if we all did the same things, wouldn't life get mundane?
You see, God had an image in mind when He created male and female. He created us with roles in mind. Does He love us all the same? Absolutely! Did His Son die on the cross for all of us? Absolutely! Do we have different roles within our families and within the church? Absolutely.
There have been countless books written about the subject. Some are right on target with what the Bible says, others...well, not so much. But the point here is this: Men and women are different. Boys and girls are different. God created us to be different. God created us to fulfill different functions in the family and in the church.
Boys are active. But I'm going to say something that may shock some of you: we need to encourage that! God made men to be leaders. Leaders in our churches. Leaders in our homes. And I believe that when they are being active, they are beginning to explore that natural inclination to lead. This can certainly be a challenge to parents and teachers. There are days that I am ready to pull my hair out! There are days that I wonder why in the world my little boy won't sit still long enough to color a picture. There are days that I wonder if I will ever have a moment of quiet, peaceful rest.
But for now, for my 6 year old, my job is to help him to figure out his role as a boy....and as a future man of God. Right now, he is active. He likes bugs. He likes to play in the dirt. He likes to be loud. And he likes to pick on his older sister. The things that he says never cease to amaze us. If you have spent any time with us, or are friends with me on Facebook, there is no doubt that you are used to hearing "Garrett-isms". But in the years to come, he will be growing and maturing. I am thankful that my son has an awesome example to look at -- his daddy. He sees every day what it looks like for a man to be a spiritual head of the family. He watches his daddy worship. He hears his daddy pray. He sees his daddy serve others.
And so our prayer for our little 6 year old is that he becomes a Christ-follower, and that by doing that, he realizes his role as a Christian man. He's got a long way to go, but then again, don't we all?
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
A Lifetime Filled With Grace
Tomorrow, we will have another baby added to our extended family. Darin’s brother, Zach, and his wife, Jessica, will be having their second son. With a new baby comes the incredibly difficult task of choosing a name. And oh, how many opinions parents must listen to! I remember choosing names for our children. We would pick a name that we thought was just perfect, only to hear from countless people why we should NOT pick that name. It was so frustrating! We finally came to the decision, as most parents do, that you can’t please everyone.
Of our three children, one name is sticking out to me today. It isn’t the first name….it’s a middle name. You see, both of our girls have beautiful names…Caylie Grace and Chloe Beth. But I must admit something. Unlike our son, who is named after his grandfathers, they aren’t named after anyone. There really isn’t any significance to their first names at all. But Caylie’s middle name is a word that has great meaning to us. Grace. Just saying the word is like breathing in fresh air. We've all heard it. We've all said it. We've all wanted it. We've all even given it. But, as I sit and ponder over the meaning of Caylie's middle name, I wonder how often I have grace on my children. On my husband. On my friends. On my church family. On the driver that pulled out in front of me. On the cashier that just takes a little too long. On the person that I said, "I forgive you" to, but yet I still hold a grudge.
You see, I think the word "grace" has almost become such a common word, that we use it without really grasping the meaning of it. If you look it up in the dictionary, there are several meanings. Of course, some have to do with beauty and elegance. Others have to do with mercy. My favorites are:
1. a manifestation of favor, especially by a superior
2. mercy, clemency, pardon
3. the freely given, unmerited favor of God
God pours out His grace on us (Eph 1:7-8). And that's an awesome thing. I pray that we never stop marveling at that. But let's not stop there. That grace--that wonderful blessing--needs to be carried further. It can't just be received by us and then stay there. We have to turn around and bless others with it. We have been "pardoned" of so much.
We are so full of excuses. "I just can't forgive them!" "They don't deserve forgiveness." "They didn't ask for forgiveness." Yep. I've used them all. But unfortunately, none of them hold any water. Remember what Webster's said about "grace"? It is unmerited....it is freely given.
When that friend talked about me? I was commanded to forgive her and show her grace. When that stranger gave me a mean look in the grocery store because the baby was screaming? I was commanded to forgive him and show him grace. When that person mistreated my husband or my kids? I was commanded to forgive them and show them grace. When one of the kids spilled milk at the table? I was commanded to forgive them and show them grace.
And sometimes I'm not all that excited about that! Sometimes I want to hold a grudge a little bit longer, because it makes me feel justified. Maybe I haven't had time to tell enough people about the wrong that was done against me. Or maybe I'm just not ready to forgive. Really, that's not hurting anyone more than it's hurting me.
But God, in all His glory, doesn't wait for any of that "stuff". He freely bestows grace on us. And that is our example. Ephesians 4:32 says, "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has forgiven you." Instead of holding grudges, we should be running down the streets yelling, "I've been forgiven! I forgive YOU!"
So to us Grace isn't just a pretty name that flows well. It isn't just a name that people didn't complain about. It is a name that brings hope -- the hope of a lifetime filled with grace.
Of our three children, one name is sticking out to me today. It isn’t the first name….it’s a middle name. You see, both of our girls have beautiful names…Caylie Grace and Chloe Beth. But I must admit something. Unlike our son, who is named after his grandfathers, they aren’t named after anyone. There really isn’t any significance to their first names at all. But Caylie’s middle name is a word that has great meaning to us. Grace. Just saying the word is like breathing in fresh air. We've all heard it. We've all said it. We've all wanted it. We've all even given it. But, as I sit and ponder over the meaning of Caylie's middle name, I wonder how often I have grace on my children. On my husband. On my friends. On my church family. On the driver that pulled out in front of me. On the cashier that just takes a little too long. On the person that I said, "I forgive you" to, but yet I still hold a grudge.
You see, I think the word "grace" has almost become such a common word, that we use it without really grasping the meaning of it. If you look it up in the dictionary, there are several meanings. Of course, some have to do with beauty and elegance. Others have to do with mercy. My favorites are:
1. a manifestation of favor, especially by a superior
2. mercy, clemency, pardon
3. the freely given, unmerited favor of God
God pours out His grace on us (Eph 1:7-8). And that's an awesome thing. I pray that we never stop marveling at that. But let's not stop there. That grace--that wonderful blessing--needs to be carried further. It can't just be received by us and then stay there. We have to turn around and bless others with it. We have been "pardoned" of so much.
We are so full of excuses. "I just can't forgive them!" "They don't deserve forgiveness." "They didn't ask for forgiveness." Yep. I've used them all. But unfortunately, none of them hold any water. Remember what Webster's said about "grace"? It is unmerited....it is freely given.
When that friend talked about me? I was commanded to forgive her and show her grace. When that stranger gave me a mean look in the grocery store because the baby was screaming? I was commanded to forgive him and show him grace. When that person mistreated my husband or my kids? I was commanded to forgive them and show them grace. When one of the kids spilled milk at the table? I was commanded to forgive them and show them grace.
And sometimes I'm not all that excited about that! Sometimes I want to hold a grudge a little bit longer, because it makes me feel justified. Maybe I haven't had time to tell enough people about the wrong that was done against me. Or maybe I'm just not ready to forgive. Really, that's not hurting anyone more than it's hurting me.
But God, in all His glory, doesn't wait for any of that "stuff". He freely bestows grace on us. And that is our example. Ephesians 4:32 says, "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has forgiven you." Instead of holding grudges, we should be running down the streets yelling, "I've been forgiven! I forgive YOU!"
So to us Grace isn't just a pretty name that flows well. It isn't just a name that people didn't complain about. It is a name that brings hope -- the hope of a lifetime filled with grace.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Not in This Alone
But, the biggest miracle became apparent to us when we drove in to the driveway. You see, Darin and I had lived far from our families all of our married lives. And now that we were having a baby, we were a bit, shall we say, terrified? This was something new and different. We had our parents there for the first couple of weeks, but when they went home, we knew we would need support. Not necessarily support in the way of babysitters (although that would be needed, too), but support in the way of prayer and encouragement. So, as we pull in to the driveway of the parsonage, we see a huge banner that says, "Welcome Home Caylie! We Love You!" It was made by some ladies in our church in Kinston, NC. And that was the first time I realized: we are not in this alone.
Over the years, God has proved faithful. He has taken us on a journey that led us from being first-time parents who were terrified to bring home a newborn to a family of five. We have been encouraged, supported, loved, and prayed for in countless ways. Our churches have become our "family" since our family is so far away. Please don't get me wrong...we get awesome support from our parents, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, etc. But our churches have provided a different kind of support. Lifelong friendships have been formed. But the word "friendship" almost seems too weak. There is a bond that is formed by people who worship together on a regular basis. And who earnestly pray together. And who pray for one another. And who serve others together. And who just share life together -- especially when they help you raise your children!
So, back to the birthday girl. She is spunky. She is contemplative. She is generous. She is loving. She is punctual. (Ask her daddy about that one!) She is growing everyday in her knowledge of her Lord. And she is a product of churches that rallied behind her parents. She is the result of what happens when people say, "No, they're not related to us, but let's love them anyway! Let's pray for them, and let's demonstrate what it means to truly be a church family."
If you see Caylie this weekend, wish her a happy birthday! She will probably smile and act bashful. But, I promise, it will mean the world to me. Thank you for loving our children.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
A Hidden Treasure
Today I took the kids to a yard sale. I am not a huge yard sale person, although I do enjoy the occassional Saturday morning outing. I normally do not take the kids, for the simple reason that they beg me for things that I know will end up in the garbage can within 2 weeks. But, this morning a Life Group in our church was hosting a yard sale to help raise funds for a lady to go on a mission trip to Costa Rica. (A trip, I might add, that Darin will be going on.) Darin was gone for the morning, so I loaded up the three kids, and we headed out.
We found our normal treasures...a few books, stuffed animals, a couple of kids' clothing items, and an antique typewriter. WHAT?!? Did I just type that? Yes. Yes, I did. Under a table, Garrett found a very, very old typewriter. And he loved it. And all I could think of was John-Boy Walton. So, it ended up at the Allen house. After all, it was money for Jesus, right?
So, fast forward about an hour. The kids have now taken blankets out on the front lawn. They made a picnic snack, and took out their newest treasure. And they were taking turns typing away. Darin happens to see a car pull up, and starts listening. A "lovely" neighbor proceeds to yell at Garrett, asking him if there is any reason he "threw" that piece of paper in her yard, and would he like to go back and pick that piece of paper up. Darin goes out, apologizes to the lady, and explains to her what happened. So, here's the story:
Garrett decided to make a newspaper. He began typing, and "delivering" the newspapers to the neighbors. He placed one piece of paper in each neighbor's yard. And apparently, the neighbor didn't like it. Yes, it was littering. Yes, it would cause her to go out and pick it up. But good grief! Nothing like yelling at a 5-year old who didn't know he was doing anything wrong. If you ask me, I think it was quite creative!
But, I know there must be a lesson in this. I know, somewhere, hidden in the frustration that came with this neighbor's ill-tempered reaction to Garrett, I can find a life lesson. If I just look hard enough.
And then it hits me. Her reaction to Garrett is exactly how I react to Garrett. And Caylie. And Chloe Beth. Almost every day. Garrett comes running in with excitement to show me his latest "creation", and I get frustrated that he's made a mess in the living room. Caylie proudly reads me her latest story, and I get annoyed because I'm running late and need to get out the door. Chloe Beth claps her hands and smiles at me as I rush through the kitchen, just hoping to get a smile from me, and I don't even see her. All the neighbor would have needed to do is walk across her yard and pick up the piece of paper. All I need to do is give my kids the encouragement and time they so need and desire.
Notice this is not so they can learn to be prideful and self-righteous. But so they can know that they are cherished and loved! Really, our kids don't need us to be their cheerleaders. They need us to show them that we have time to give them, and we are willing to make sacrifices for them. Sacrifices of time. Sacrifices of cleaning up an extra mess in the living room, being a few minutes late, stopping in the midst of our day to just return a smile. Even the sacrifice of walking across the yard to pick up a paper that a child took the time to type out and carefully place there just for us.
Paul did this for Timothy. He encouraged him. He took the time for him. He trained him and helped him. And he loved him. In fact, he called him, "my beloved and faithful child in the Lord." (1 Cor. 4:17) Paul was certainly Timothy's mentor in the faith. We all need a mentor. We all need someone who we can look up to and who will encourage us in our walk with the Lord. And who will love us! And for the short time that our children are in our home, we are those people. Darin and I are the ones who need to encourage them. Darin and I are the ones who need to take time for them. Darin and I are the ones who should train them and help them. So that we may call them "our beloved and faithful children in the Lord."
We found our normal treasures...a few books, stuffed animals, a couple of kids' clothing items, and an antique typewriter. WHAT?!? Did I just type that? Yes. Yes, I did. Under a table, Garrett found a very, very old typewriter. And he loved it. And all I could think of was John-Boy Walton. So, it ended up at the Allen house. After all, it was money for Jesus, right?
So, fast forward about an hour. The kids have now taken blankets out on the front lawn. They made a picnic snack, and took out their newest treasure. And they were taking turns typing away. Darin happens to see a car pull up, and starts listening. A "lovely" neighbor proceeds to yell at Garrett, asking him if there is any reason he "threw" that piece of paper in her yard, and would he like to go back and pick that piece of paper up. Darin goes out, apologizes to the lady, and explains to her what happened. So, here's the story:
Garrett decided to make a newspaper. He began typing, and "delivering" the newspapers to the neighbors. He placed one piece of paper in each neighbor's yard. And apparently, the neighbor didn't like it. Yes, it was littering. Yes, it would cause her to go out and pick it up. But good grief! Nothing like yelling at a 5-year old who didn't know he was doing anything wrong. If you ask me, I think it was quite creative!
But, I know there must be a lesson in this. I know, somewhere, hidden in the frustration that came with this neighbor's ill-tempered reaction to Garrett, I can find a life lesson. If I just look hard enough.
And then it hits me. Her reaction to Garrett is exactly how I react to Garrett. And Caylie. And Chloe Beth. Almost every day. Garrett comes running in with excitement to show me his latest "creation", and I get frustrated that he's made a mess in the living room. Caylie proudly reads me her latest story, and I get annoyed because I'm running late and need to get out the door. Chloe Beth claps her hands and smiles at me as I rush through the kitchen, just hoping to get a smile from me, and I don't even see her. All the neighbor would have needed to do is walk across her yard and pick up the piece of paper. All I need to do is give my kids the encouragement and time they so need and desire.
Notice this is not so they can learn to be prideful and self-righteous. But so they can know that they are cherished and loved! Really, our kids don't need us to be their cheerleaders. They need us to show them that we have time to give them, and we are willing to make sacrifices for them. Sacrifices of time. Sacrifices of cleaning up an extra mess in the living room, being a few minutes late, stopping in the midst of our day to just return a smile. Even the sacrifice of walking across the yard to pick up a paper that a child took the time to type out and carefully place there just for us.
Paul did this for Timothy. He encouraged him. He took the time for him. He trained him and helped him. And he loved him. In fact, he called him, "my beloved and faithful child in the Lord." (1 Cor. 4:17) Paul was certainly Timothy's mentor in the faith. We all need a mentor. We all need someone who we can look up to and who will encourage us in our walk with the Lord. And who will love us! And for the short time that our children are in our home, we are those people. Darin and I are the ones who need to encourage them. Darin and I are the ones who need to take time for them. Darin and I are the ones who should train them and help them. So that we may call them "our beloved and faithful children in the Lord."
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